Parenting Teens: What They Really Need (5 min read)

Understanding What Teens Need

All of us need to feel safe, loved, and cared for. We need food, warmth, clothes, and healthcare. Parents naturally want to provide these essentials—but teenagers can sometimes seem to resist the help.

They might challenge your rules, stay out late, or push back against simple things like dentist appointments. It can be frustrating. But even when they act like they don’t care, they still want you to care and keep showing up.

"Behind every angry or distant teenager is a child who still needs love, connection, and safety."

The key is to keep talking. Share your concerns clearly, but also listen to theirs. When you work together to find common ground, trust grows.

What Teenagers Still Want

Just like when they were younger, teenagers still need your love, your attention, and your respect. They may not say it, but they want to be seen and valued.

When they withdraw or act moody, it’s easy to respond by pulling away. But that can create a cycle of disconnection. Instead, try to stay present—even if you’re not engaging in deep conversations right away.

"Teens may stop asking for your attention, but they still notice when you give it—or when you don’t."

Ignoring their behaviour may be wise at times. But ignoring them only makes things worse.

Family Time and Shared Meals

Teenagers still enjoy being with their family—though they may not always admit it. Between school, phones, friends, and activities, family time can easily fall through the cracks.

One simple way to bring everyone together is through shared meals. Even if it’s only a few times a week, eating together creates space to connect, talk, and be present with each other.

"A family meal is more than just food—it's a moment to feel seen, heard, and loved."

Don’t worry if you all like different foods or have packed schedules. Start small. What matters is making the time to be together.

Supporting Teens to Stay Active

Today’s teens often move from one screen to another—with school, homework, social media, and games all in the mix. But their bodies still need physical activity.

Encouraging your teen to be active—whether that’s through sports, walks, or dancing in the kitchen—has long-term health benefits and creates shared moments as a family.

"Movement isn’t just about fitness—it’s about energy, mood, and confidence."

If they don’t want to join school sports, consider doing something active together. It's a great way to connect and set healthy habits for life.

Giving Them Choices and Responsibility

Teenagers crave independence. They’ll tell you they can manage everything—but still need your guidance. The trick is to give them growing responsibility, one step at a time.

"Letting go gradually shows trust, builds confidence, and strengthens your relationship."

Too much freedom too soon can lead to poor decisions. But too many rules can cause rebellion. Instead, work together to decide what responsibilities they’re ready for, and support them as they take more control.

Giving Helpful Attention

Teenagers need attention just as much as younger children do—it just looks different now. Helpful attention is about quality, not quantity.

This means:

Showing interest in who they are and what they enjoy

Listening when they want to talk—even when it’s not convenient

Letting them lead where appropriate, while setting clear boundaries when needed

"The best kind of attention tells your teen: 'I see you, I hear you, you matter.'"

Make time to enjoy your teen. Ask open questions, get curious about their world, and let them feel accepted—just as they are.

Respecting Their Decisions

Teens face big choices—what to study, where to go, who to hang out with. It’s natural to worry, especially if their choices seem based on peer pressure or short-term thinking.

But respecting their choices doesn’t mean stepping back completely. It means guiding without controlling, listening without judging, and offering advice that invites conversation rather than conflict.

"Respect is not about agreeing—it’s about showing your teen their voice matters."

Even if you don’t see eye to eye, keep the conversation going. Teens are more likely to make good decisions when they feel supported, not pressured.

Parent of Year 9 Student

“Holistic Support helped us understand our son’s anxiety in a way no one else had. The difference at home is unbelievable.”

Mum of a Year 11 Student

“We felt lost. The mentoring and home strategies gave us confidence and calm again. It’s been life-changing for our family.”

Parent of a neurodivergent child

“The support was practical, compassionate, and tailored to our needs. My child is happier, and so am I.”

Why Is My Child Struggling to Go to School? (5 min read)

School attendance can become a real challenge for some children and young people. The reasons behind this can be complex, and often your child might struggle to explain what’s wrong. As parents and carers, it can be worrying and frustrating—but you are not alone, and there are ways to help.

"When a child stops going to school, it's not about defiance—it’s about something they can’t yet find the words for."

Below are some of the most common reasons children avoid school and what you can do to support them.

1. Bullying or Friendship Difficulties

Friendship issues or bullying can make school feel overwhelming. If your child is being bullied, it's vital to speak with the school right away. Ask to meet with the pastoral or safeguarding lead and request a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy before the meeting.

"Every child deserves to feel safe where they learn."

A child who feels isolated or targeted may dread facing their peers. Encourage open conversation at home and ask your child if they would feel comfortable having a trusted adult at school informed and involved.

2. Pressure from Exams and Schoolwork

The demands of school—homework, assessments, and looming exams—can become too much for some young people. They may feel anxious, overwhelmed, or even physically ill due to stress.

Let the school know if academic pressure is causing your child to avoid attending. They may be able to offer additional support, flexible deadlines, or quiet spaces for working.

"Academic success is important, but mental health matters more."

Talk with your child about managing stress—things like regular breaks, movement, social time, and simple organisation tools can help.

3. Special Educational Needs & Neurodiversity

Some children with neurodiverse conditions such as Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, or Dyspraxia may find school especially difficult. They may be masking their difficulties all day, only to release their stress at home.

"Neurodiverse children aren’t being difficult—they’re having a difficult time."

If you believe your child’s struggles may be linked to unmet learning or sensory needs, speak to the school SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator). You can also ask for a referral from your GP or start the process of applying for an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP).

Don’t be afraid to request reasonable adjustments. If a diagnosis is already in place, ask your GP to support the school with a letter explaining how the condition is affecting attendance.

4. Mental and Emotional Health

Anxiety, low mood, trauma, and emotional stress can make it incredibly hard for a child to get to school. This is not laziness or defiance—it’s a real barrier that needs compassion and support.

"An anxious child is not being difficult. They're communicating the only way they know how."

Speak to your GP and the school if you’re concerned. You may be able to access counselling, mental health support services (like EWMHS or CAMHS), or arrange a phased return to school. Be gentle with your child—they may already feel ashamed or guilty about their absence.

5. Health and General Wellbeing

Sleep struggles, poor routines, and lifestyle factors like excessive screen time or irregular meals can contribute to school avoidance.

Take time to review your child’s daily rhythm—look at bedtime habits, morning routines, and screen use. Sometimes small changes can make a big difference.

"A healthy routine builds the foundation for a calmer start to the day."

6. Challenges at Home

Life at home may also affect a child's ability to attend school. This could include being a young carer, recent bereavement, parental separation, or household stress.

Let the school know if home life has changed. They may be able to offer pastoral support or make referrals to services that can help.

"Behind school avoidance, there’s often a story that needs to be heard—not punished."

How You Can Help Your Child

Supporting a child who’s avoiding school can be emotionally exhausting. But small steps, taken with care and patience, really can help.

Stay calm and reassuring, even when things feel tough

Keep open communication with the school

Ask about reduced timetables or staggered starts to ease the pressure

Request work for home so your child stays connected to learning

Speak to your GP about any physical or mental health concerns

Keep a record of school meetings, GP visits, and support plans

Talk to your employer if you need flexibility

Make sure the school logs absences appropriately (e.g. illness for mental health)

"Progress is progress, no matter how small. Each step forward counts."

Working with the School and Local Authority

Stay in regular contact with the school. If things don’t improve, the school may refer you to an Local Authority Attendance Officer.

If you're worried about fines or legal action, seek advice early. You are not alone, and there are people who can help you advocate for your child.

"Asking for help is not a weakness—it’s a strength. You're showing your child how to face challenges with courage."

Need Support? We're Here to Help

If you need advice or someone to talk to, Holistic Support offers tailored support for families. We understand the emotional toll of school avoidance and are here to help you and your child find a way forward.

Year 9 Student

“Before, I didn’t want to go to school. Now I have ways to cope when things feel too much.”

Year 10 Student

“Talking to someone who really listened made me feel like I mattered. I’ve learned how to manage my anxiety instead of hiding it.”

School Leaver

"I wasn't in a good place back then. You did so much for me Dustin, I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for you. I'll be forever grateful. You inspired me to not give up and you were always there for me."

Dealing with Challenging Behaviour in Young Children (7 min read)

It’s natural to feel overwhelmed when your child’s behaviour becomes aggressive or difficult to manage. You’re not alone—and you are not failing. At Holistic Support, we believe that with understanding, support, and the right tools, families can move forward together.

"Behind every challenging behaviour is a child struggling to communicate a need."

How Challenging Behaviour Can Make You Feel

When your child is angry or aggressive, it can feel exhausting, lonely, and even frightening. You might find yourself thinking:

“I love my child, but I don’t like them right now.”

This is more common than you think. It’s okay to feel this way—it’s the behaviour that feels unbearable, not the child you love. Many parents feel isolated, ashamed, or guilty, especially when aggression is directed at them or siblings. You may feel like you're walking on eggshells, constantly bracing for the next outburst.

But here’s the truth: You’re not to blame, and you don’t have to cope with this alone. Reaching out for support is a strength, not a weakness.

Why Is My Child Acting Aggressively?

Challenging behaviour is often a sign that something deeper is going on. Your child may not have the words yet to express their emotions, so their behaviour becomes the only way they know how to ask for help.

Possible triggers might include:

Feeling frustrated or misunderstood

Changes at home (e.g. a new sibling, divorce, moving house)

Struggles at nursery or school

Sensory overload or difficulty with transitions

Feeling excluded, anxious, or unsafe

Wanting attention, reassurance, or control

"Children aren’t giving us a hard time—they’re having a hard time." – Dr. Ross Greene

Even if your child’s actions seem sudden or extreme, it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Parenting a child who’s struggling is one of the hardest jobs there is—and it’s okay to need help navigating it.

How Can I Manage My Child’s Aggression?

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but here are practical, compassionate steps you can take:

1. Create Space for Communication

Try to talk to your child when they are calm. Let them know you care and are ready to listen—without judgement. They might not know how to open up yet, so offer gentle options like:

A journal or notebook to write or draw feelings

Voice notes or digital diaries for children who struggle with writing

Check-in cards or feelings charts

“I’m here, I love you, and I’m ready when you are.”

2. Name Emotions, Set Boundaries

Let your child know that it’s okay to feel angry or upset—but not okay to hurt others or themselves.

Say things like:

“It’s okay to feel angry. But I won’t let you hit or shout.”

“I know that was hard. Let’s talk about it when we’re both calm.”

3. Notice Triggers

Start keeping a simple diary of incidents. Are there patterns in time, place, or situation? For example:

After school transitions

Hunger, tiredness, or overstimulation

Feeling excluded or rushed

Understanding the “why” behind the behaviour can help you change the “what” and “how” in your response.

4. Model Calm Responses

Children often mirror the behaviour they see. If raised voices or conflict are common at home (and we know how easily that happens in busy family life), they may begin to copy this.

Try:

Lowering your voice instead of shouting

Getting down to their eye level

Taking deep breaths with them

Naming your own emotions calmly: “I’m feeling stressed right now, so I need a moment.”

5. Help Them Express Feelings Differently

Children need help learning the words for what they feel. Teach simple phrases like:

“I feel left out.”

“I’m mad because…”

“I need a break.”

Role-play can also help children practice these skills before they need them in real life.

6. Show Love—Even When It’s Hard

Aggressive behaviour can push you away—but this is often when your child needs you the most. Try to separate your child’s actions from who they are.

Say:

“I love you, and I always will. I don’t like what you’re doing, but I’m here to help.”

"A child who’s acting out isn’t looking for punishment—they’re looking for connection."

7. Celebrate Small Wins

Praise progress, not perfection. If your child manages to use words instead of shouting or takes a break instead of lashing out—let them know you noticed.

"Every time we notice and name the good, we give our children the tools to grow into it."

Avoid blaming, shaming, or constant punishment. These can harm self-esteem and lead to more outbursts in the long run.

When to Seek Support

If your child’s behaviour is happening frequently, causing harm, or affecting the wellbeing of your family, you don’t have to face it alone.

Our experienced team at Holistic Support Connections can help:

Listen without judgement

Offer personalised support plans

Work alongside your child’s school

Suggest tools and therapeutic approaches

Connect you with further resources and professionals

"You’re not a bad parent. You’re a parent doing your best with a child who needs support."

Reach Out—We’re Here for You

Call us for advice or to talk through your concerns.
Email or message us for confidential support.
Ask about our parent coaching and emotional wellbeing sessions for families.

We’re here to support the whole family—not just the child—and to walk beside you every step of the way.

Deputy Head

“The emotional and mental health support they offer is outstanding. Our students are thriving because of it.”

Pastoral Lead

“We’ve seen real progress in students who were previously disengaged. The individualised support and family strategies made a huge impact.”

SENCo, Secondary School

“Holistic Support has made a real difference in attendance, behaviour, and overall student wellbeing. They’re a vital part of our team."